When a child will not fall asleep
2 min read
The idea that a child simply does not want to sleep is rarely the whole story. More often, the child cannot settle just then — and the reasons are surprisingly often mundane and changeable.
Too early in bed is just as tricky as too late
Sleep pressure needs to be sufficient. If a child is in bed an hour before its natural window, there is nothing to do but ruminate, call out, and get up. In the other direction, an overtired child catches a second wind and appears wired rather than sleepy. Both look like defiance and are in fact the opposite. A sleep log kept for a week quickly shows where a particular child's natural window lies.
The afternoon shapes the evening
A child that has not moved enough during the day is not physically tired by evening. A child that napped late in the afternoon is not either. And a child that has been charging about shortly before bed needs time to wind down. The evening often cannot be fixed in the evening.
Anxiety is rarely named
Between the ages of three and six, imagination develops faster than the ability to make sense of it. Darkness, being alone, sounds — many things suddenly take on meaning. Children seldom say so directly; instead they become fractious, ask for water, or want the door left open. A night light, an open door, and a clear sentence — I am next door and I can hear you — cost nothing and help more than any argument against monsters.
What was left unresolved during the day returns in the evening
The argument at nursery, the upcoming doctor's appointment, the house move. As soon as things go quiet, there is room for all of it. Five minutes in which you ask what was good today and what was difficult often settles the evening. Sometimes it is enough that someone has listened.
When a story helps — and when it does not
A calm story gives thoughts a direction, which is particularly useful for children who start brooding once in bed. It does not help when the story is too exciting, when it becomes a bargaining chip, or when the child is simply not yet tired. And it is no substitute for closeness: for many children, what matters is that someone is there, not what is being told.
Change one thing and give it a fortnight. More often than not it is the timing, not the method. If nothing improves over several weeks, that is a matter for a paediatrician — not another chapter of a parenting guide.
This text is not a substitute for medical advice. If your child has been sleeping poorly for weeks, wakes very early, or seems unusually tired during the day, please speak with your paediatrician.
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